Read This If You're Going Through A Breakup

carpe diem

There’s no sugar coating it, breakups suck. Whether it’s amicable or messy, there’s nothing fun about losing a partner. Breakups can lead to amazing breakthroughs, self-discovery, and often times *gasp* better partners, but they usually start with tearful nights, lots of wine, and waking up to unwanted thoughts of your last bae.

Even though it seems like there’s absolutely no way to get past it, the truth is, you will. In fact, according to a study by Graeme Simsion, the average person has five relationships before finding “the one,” so buckle up, because the love train (likely) isn’t at its final destination yet.

Nonetheless, knowing that doesn’t make them any easier to get through. Luckily for us, there are a few tried and true ways to help you move past it. Here are a few tips for what you can do to heal after a breakup.


Allow Yourself to be Sad...

It’s insane how much breakups actually hurt. The emotional pain is very real, so allow yourself to feel that. Know that’s it’s OK to be sad and cry whenever you feel the need. No need to wallow in bed for weeks at a time- a few days maximum- but don’t tell yourself that you need to be over it, if you simply aren’t.

….But Keep it Private

Take as much time as needed to get over the breakup, but keep your sad stint private. Feel free to vent to your friends and family, but do not make it public knowledge. When you’re really hurt, especially if you were dumped/cheated on/lied to, there’s such a strong urge to publicly vent, but that will only come back to bite you in the butt. Once you heal and move on, you’ll regret letting other people in on private business because they will always remember it. Seriously. Don’t do it.

Do Things You Love

Sounds cliche, but it’s important to throw yourself into activities that make you genuinely happy. Passion projects are a great distraction and serve as a reminder of who you are and your potential outside of the relationship. It can be boxing or painting, whatever nourishes the mind and body, is worth leaning into. Exercise in particular can provide the endorphins needed to brighten the dark days.

Take Advice With a Grain of Salt

After a breakup, people start throwing out a lot of advice and it’s mostly based on bitter anecdotes. Listen to your heart before anyone else. That’s not to say, if your friends tell you to stop texting your ex because they haven’t responded in days, that you should ignore them. But sometimes, people can convince you of scenarios that weren’t true for your relationship. You knew the relationship best and have no obligation to listen to anyone but yourself.

Write Angry Letters. NEVER Send Them

If you’ve vented to your friends for hours and you are still so upset that you can barely think straight, write it all out. Take a journal or open up a Word document and write everything you feel. It can be one paragraph or ten pages, just take all of the emotions and translate them onto the page. However, never ever send it. Everything will be messy and exaggerated and angry and sad, and that’s perfect for a cathartic exercise, but will only make you look crazy if the other person ever sees it. This is not To All The Boys I’ve Loved, it will not work.

Lean on Friends

Having a good support system is crucial during a breakup. Good friends provide a judgement-free space to vent or cry, and they are a reminder that you are abundantly loved. Breakups often have a negative impact on self-image, so please accept and hear all of the wonderful compliments that your friends will undoubtedly give. They will convince you that whoever dumped you is the dumbest person alive for letting you go, or they’ll reassure you that you made the best possible decision by breaking up with your partner.

Write Down What You Learned

Romantic relationships are lessons. They are lessons in what you want and need in a life-long partner. Take a moment to reflect on the positive parts of the relationship, and write down the areas of learning. Don’t be too hard on yourself, because it ultimately takes two people to end a relationship (aka there’s no way that you forgetting to shave your legs that one Sunday, led to the relationship’s demise, so stop replaying it.) Instead, check in with yourself and make sure that you fully digest the lesson, so mistakes are not repeated.